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Bag of Money/Transcript
{the episode begins with Arnold, Gerald, and Sid walking through an alleyway together. Gerald has a basketball under his arm.} Gerald: I told you Sid, you can't do it! Sid: What are you talkin' about? I can dribble! {he takes the basketball from Sid and attempts to do so, only to lose his footing and send the ball into a garbage can. Among the junk is a bag full of money.} Arnold: Hey, what's that? {they go over to look, and are surprised at what they see} Sid: Oh, man!! {at the treehouse...} Arnold: {counting} Three thousand nine hundred thirty six, three thousand nine hundred thirty seven dollars! Sid: We're rich! We're rich! Gerald: That's one thousand three hundred and twelve dollars each! {winks} Plus change. Arnold: Guess we should turn it in to the police. Sid: What!? Arnold: It's not our money, and somebody obviously lost it. Sid: They don't know that! Maybe they threw it away! Gerald: How would anyone throw out three thousand nine hundred thirty seven dollars? {as Sid responds, Arnold begins to pack the money back in its bag} Sid: Maybe they just didn't want the money, or maybe they had so much money, they were sick of it all, so they decided to throw it in the trash and live a more simpler and carefree life. Arnold: Come on Sid. You'd really believe that? Sid: Yes. Yes I do. Arnold: Look, we have to tell them. Besides, we could get a reward. Gerald: He's right Sid. Sid: Okay, okay, if we have to get all moral about it. Gerald: {with the bag in hand} We'll go over to the police station right now. The sooner we get there, the sooner we'll get our reward mone-! {Sid stops him.} Sid: Wait a second! I can't go now! It's my dad's birthday and I promised I'd be home by five! Arnold: Okay, then Gerald and I can do it. Sid: What about me? We all found the money. It's not fair to leave me out of the big moment when we turn it in. Arnold: Well, I guess we can do it in the morning. Meet me outside the police station at eight tomorrow, but what are we gonna do with the money till then? Sid: I'll take it! {snatches the bag} Gerald: I think I should take it. {they begin fighting} Sid: No! If I can't take it home, why should you? Gerald: {quickly backs off} Alright, alright. How 'bout we let Arnold take it home? Arnold: It's okay with me. You guys trust me right. Gerald: Sure I trust you! Sid: Okay, why not? {hands him the bag} We can trust Arnold. After all, Arnold is the most honest guy around. {at home, Arnold places the bag of money in a secret compartment in his room for the night before going to sleep. The next morning, Arnold takes the public bus to get to the police station, when the bus stops to pick up an elderly woman with pink hair, one eyebrow, a peg leg and with similar looking bags in tow. Arnold gives her some room to sit.} Old Woman: Thank you, young man. {Arnold and the woman share smiles with each other while her pet bird greets him. A while later, the bus arrives at her destination and she makes off, winking at Arnold as she does. At the police station...} Sid: {talking to an officer} ...three thousand nine hundred thirty seven dollars! Show him Arnold! {Arnold holds the bag up, but...} Officer: Bird seeds? Boys: Huh? {they look in it. Turns out Arnold and the old woman mistakenly took each other's bags, leaving Arnold with the bags of bird seeds the woman bought.} Arnold: Ah-auh, she must've took my bag by mistake! Gerald: What are you talking about Arnold? Sid: Where's our money? Arnold: It was this old lady. She had a peg leg and pink hair and one eyebrow and she had all these plastic bags with her and she took my bag by-by mistake. Gerald: A lady with a peg leg and one eyebrow!? Sid: And pink hair. That is the craziest story I have ever heard! {he and Gerald walk out} Arnold: I know it sounds weird, but it's true. I'm really sorry but I don't know what else to say. {Arnold goes home. After he goes in, Sid and Gerald converse on the matter.} Sid: An old lady with a peg leg with one eyebrow and pink hair, carrying a bunch of plastic bags just like the one that had our money in it, doesn't that sound suspicious to you? Gerald: I know it sounds weird, but Arnold wouldn't make something like that up. He is honest and is true blue. Sid: Three thousand nine hundred thirty seven dollars, Gerald. I mean, think about it. {at school, Sid talks to some of the kids about it.} Sid: So then he says {imitating Arnold} "Oh, there was a crazy old lady on the bus with pink hair and a peg leg and one eyebrow. She must've taken the money by mistake." Stinky: Pink hair and one eyebrow? Harold: That's insane! Sid: I'll tell ya! He made the whole thing up to keep the money. Arnold is the most dishonest guy around. Harold: He's so crummy! Rhonda: You think you know a person, and then he does something like this! {Nadine gets her attention, and points to Arnold and Gerald walking to the lockers.} Rhonda: Sh sh. Here he comes. {Arnold stuffs some textbooks into his locker. Sid observes the watch on Arnold's arm.} Sid: Where'd you get the new watch? Arnold: Oh, my grandpa gave it to me. {the kids stare at him with disbelieving looks.} Sid: Oh, really? Your grandpa happened to give you a brand new very expensive watch the day after you claimed you lost the three thousand nine hundred thirty seven dollars we found to an old lady with pink hair, a peg leg, and ONE EYEBROW!? Arnold: Well, actually he gave it to me last month. I just haven't worn it till today. Sid: You expect me to believe that? Arnold: Yes. Yes I do. {shuts his locker and walks away} Sid: A brand new watch. Isn't that a coincidence? Gerald: Well, it's a little strange but- Sid: Three thousand nine hundred thirty seven dollars, Gerald! Think about it. {walks away} {in class, Arnold is reading a book, when Sid crouches under his desk.} Sid: Pretty fancy shoes, Arnold. Did your grandpa give them to ya? Arnold: I've worn these shoes before Sid. Sid: Sure Arnold, sure. {goes to Gerald} New watch, new shoes? Gerald: {whispering} Just a coincidence. Sid: Or it's proof that Arnold stole our three thousand nine hundred and thirty seven dollars. Think about it. {after school...} Arnold: Wanna go to the arcade? Gerald: {fully convinced} Uh, uh I don't know. I gotta make plans. I-I promised Timberly I'd-I-uh play old maid with her. Arnold: Old maid? You hate that game. Gerald: Well, you know uh, she's my sister and I promised her so...{starts to go} Arnold: Okay, maybe tomorrow. Gerald: {walking off} Yeah, sure. Maybe tomorrow. {at an ice cream truck, Arnold, with his friends, pays for a popsicle, but Sid pops out from the truck.} Sid: Where'd you get the ten bucks? Arnold: Oh, it's from my birthday. Sid: Your birthday was six months ago. How many birthdays do you have in a year? That's insane! {Arnold receives his popsicle and walks away as Sid is kicked out of the truck by the ice cream man.} Sid: Why don't you just bring a hundred, Arnold? I mean, what's a hundred out of three thousand nine hundred and thirty seven dollars!? Gerald: Take it easy Sid. Sid: It was our money and he stole it! Arnold: I didn't steal anything! Sid: Liar! You stole it and you know it! You're a rat Arnold! A ratfink! {to all else watching} You're all witnesses! Arnold stole our money! He's a rat! A RATFINK!! {everyone stares at Arnold with disapproval; later, at Gerald's...} Arnold: Hey, Gerald. You want to play catch? Gerald: I can't. I uhhhh...have to help my mom with some wallpapering. Arnold: {unconvinced} Gerald, what's wrong? Gerald: {nervous} Uh-uh, nothing's wrong. I don't know what you mean. Arnold: You're avoiding me, making up excuses every time I want you to go somewhere. Gerald: Uh, I haven't noticed. Arnold: It's about the money, isn't it? Look, I told you what happened, and I know it sounds weird, but it's the truth. Gerald: Right, yeah that's the truth. I know. Arnold: You don't believe me. Gerald: I didn't say I didn't believe you! Arnold: But you don't, do you? Gerald: I don't...I don't know. Arnold: {begins to walk away} Well, maybe we shouldn't be friends anymore. Gerald: Come on Arnold. Don't be like that. It's not that I don't believe you, it's just that...your story is a little weird. Arnold: Don't worry about it Gerald. You don't have to believe me. I know I'm telling the truth and it's all that matters. {Arnold walks away, leaving Gerald alone.} Gerald: Arnold, wait! {...too late. At Arnold's home, the paperboy runs by, having escaped dogs that are barking from off-screen. Inside the house...} Arnold: Sid said I took the money and now not even Gerald believes me. Grandpa Phil: Well, you told everybody the truth, didn't ya? Arnold: Yeah. Grandpa Phil: Then what are you worried about!? So what if everybody hates ya and you even lied to your best friend? Who needs 'em? I'll be your best friend. I'll be just me and you like frick and frack. Then I'll grow old an-do'h wait a minute, I'm already old. Okay, you'll grow old alone--''{as Phil continues, Arnold begins to zone out}''--with no one to talk to and nothing to comfort you except your fond memories of me....I'm not helping, am I? Arnold: That's okay, Grandpa. Grandpa Phil: Man, I know you're in a funk, but when you get as old as me, you'll realize that no matter what terrible things happen to you, you'll always go past 'em. {holds up his sandwich} Take this liver sandwich for instance. The second I took a bite, I knew I made a mistake. You see, this ham's been in the back of the refrigerator for weeks. It's bad ham, Arnold. I probably will be sittin' in my armrest for the rest of the night and half of the day tomorrow, but I'm not gonna let that get me down, and you know why? Because I know this bad ham will pass..literally. In a week from now, I'll forget all about the pain and suffering of food poisoning, just like how you'll forget all about your problem. Arnold: Thanks Grandpa. I hope you're right. Grandpa Phil: Me too, cause I feel like I just swallowed a hot meat. Oh oh. {walks to the living room in discomfort; the next day; the cafeteria; Sid and the kids are spying on Arnold.} Sid: Look at him. What a weasel. If he thinks he can get away with this, he's got another thing comin'! {Arnold turns to them, making Sid stop talking; Gerald shows up, making Arnold smile from his presence, but Gerald decides to go elsewhere, upsetting Arnold; later, at the playground.} Sid: We really should do something about Arnold. We can't just let him get away with this, can we? {the students agree} We'll teach him a lesson! We should make him pay! We have to make him admit that he took that money!! {everyone goes over to Arnold} Sid: Admit it, Arnold. Just admit that you stole that money! Arnold: I didn't steal it Sid. {the students voice their disagreement} Sid: I say we tie him up to the tetherball pole! {the angry kids pick up Arnold and carry him to the tetherball court.} Arnold: What are you doing!? I didn't do it! Doesn't anybody believe me? Gerald (off-screen): I do! {everyone stops what they are doing to stare at Gerald} Arnold's my best friend, and even though his story sounds farfetched, even crazy and made up, well, I believe him. I'll prove that he didn't take that money, my man here's true blue and I'm stickin' by it. Arnold: Thanks Gerald. Gerald: Don't mention it. {to class} I know if you all think about it, you'll realize that Arnold is telling the truth all along. I mean, forget about being mad at him for something he didn't even do in the first place. {the kids appear to look down in shame} Now, what you do say? Sid: I say we tie him up to the tetherball pole! {the kids continue their ruthless torture towards Arnold, until a police car shows up at the school.} Gerald: WAIT!!! {the old woman from earlier steps out from the back. Everyone is astonished that Arnold was indeed telling the truth the whole time. They help Arnold down.} Old Woman: Is there a boy here named Arnold? Gerald: He's right here. Sid: Who the heck is that? Stinky: I reckon it's an old lady with pink hair, a peg leg, and one eyebrow. Old Woman: I've been looking for you. I took your bag by mistake and found all that money, so I turned it into the police, but it wasn't until yesterday that I found your bus pass. {takes it out of her coat and hands it to Arnold} It's your bag. You can take it to the police station at any time. Arnold: Actually, Gerald, Sid and I found the money, and we were on our way to turn it in. Officer: Well, the money's safe now, and if no one claims it within ninety days, then it's yours to keep. {he and the old woman leave. The class apologizes to Arnold before walking off. Sid saves his apology until after the group leaves.} Sid: Arnold, I am so sorry! I treated you like a criminal, and a common thief. I even called you a liar! What can I do to make it up to you? Oh, I know! If nobody claims the money in ninety days, then I'll give you my share. Arnold: Okay, Sid. Sid: Great! So, you forgive me right? Arnold: Of course I do. I would've forgiven you anyways. {he walks off with Gerald} Sid: Even if I didn't give you my share? Arnold: Well then, I'm keepin' it. All one thousand three hundred and twelve dollars. Gerald: Plus change. Sid: Wait a minute. Now that you mention it, that is a lot of money. And we wouldn't have found it at all if it wasn't for the fact that I can't dribble. Daw, come on, we got this right? Arnold? Arnold!? HEEEEEY ARRRRNOOOOOLDDD!!!! Category:Episode transcripts Category:Bag of Money